1 00:00:03,037 --> 00:00:05,015 Na-no, na-no. 2 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,105 You were great last night, Dad. 3 00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:37,174 You know, that benefit concert was really terrific. 4 00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,809 Yeah, and the reviews aren't too bad, either. Here, look. 5 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,512 There's even a picture of me conducting the orchestra. 6 00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,348 That's a wonderful likeness of the back of your head. 7 00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:50,387 Well, you certainly are in a jolly mood. 8 00:01:50,411 --> 00:01:51,654 Yeah, well, why not? 9 00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:55,959 One critic called me the bald Bernstein of Boulder. 10 00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:58,295 On top of that, we raised over $30,000 11 00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:00,464 for the new Boulder children's hospital. 12 00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,165 Boy, I wish I was doing that well. 13 00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:03,866 I promised to raise $1,000, 14 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:07,270 but looking for this new job, it's just taking up all my time. 15 00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,938 Yeah, well, you can always rent Mork out 16 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,663 to a research laboratory. 17 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,177 I'm really gonna have to buckle down 18 00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:16,779 this next couple of days to raise the money I pledged. 19 00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:22,785 Maybe I'll dress up as a Girl Scout 20 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,387 and go door to door. 21 00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:26,145 Well, it worked when I was 12. 22 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,629 What are you doing? Huh? What...? Ooh. 23 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,664 I... I think I was sleep-jogging, and I locked... 24 00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,233 I locked myself out. 25 00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:37,267 How did you do that? 26 00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:38,935 Well, I guess kind of like this: 27 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,726 ready, set, dream. 28 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,543 Idiot delight. 29 00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:52,238 Déjà vu. Door ja vu. 30 00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:57,454 Oh, no. It's Boulder Pops. 31 00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,489 Oh, what a wonderful evening. That was incredible. 32 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,324 I mean, Beverly Sills singing everything. 33 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,059 Couldn't you tell it was me in the back going, 34 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:05,094 "Whoa! Get down, mama!" 35 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:07,964 Oh, boy, you know, sometimes I can really be irrepressible. 36 00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,754 I don't know why. 37 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,702 Whoa! 38 00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,103 Oh, look, it guessed my weight. 39 00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,413 Ah, well, I really should be going. 40 00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:26,149 I've got to show my picture to the rest of Boulder. 41 00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:29,852 Mm, and I'll keep making phone calls for donations. 42 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,355 I haven't even raised enough money to pay my phone bill. 43 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,457 Oh, don't worry, honey. Mwah. 44 00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:35,892 You'll raise the money somehow. 45 00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,260 I hope so. 46 00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:39,396 I'll have to disguise the back of my head 47 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,264 so I can slip by the groupies. 48 00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:43,833 Ah, oui. 49 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,704 Alors. Alors. 50 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,839 Min. Min, Min, Min. Oh, what? 51 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,575 Why didn't you tell me that you needed money? 52 00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:53,343 You can have anything I own, except for my lips 53 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:54,644 because those are rented. 54 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,279 That's sweet, but the money's not for me. 55 00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:58,703 It's for the new children's hospital. 56 00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,383 Min, 57 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,752 you mean you can get money just by asking for it? 58 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,387 Well, some people donate money to others 59 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:05,988 if they think the cause is worthy enough. 60 00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:07,524 Oh, like Abscam? 61 00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:09,559 Senator, do you really believe 62 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,194 that, uh, you took this as a loan? 63 00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:14,698 No, I just thought it was a Christmas gift. 64 00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:18,368 No, not quite. See, it's called charity. 65 00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:20,002 People raise money in different ways, 66 00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:21,070 and then they donate it 67 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,706 to people who they feel are in need. 68 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,841 Like remember the telethon we saw the other night? 69 00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:26,943 That was wonderful, especially when Monty Hall sang, 70 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,311 ♪ Bess, you is my woman now ♪ 71 00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:30,880 Yeah. 72 00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:33,416 Well, people were donating money to that charity. 73 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,686 Oh, Min, I'll never understand you Earthlings. 74 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,221 Boy, I mean, sometimes the lights are on 75 00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:39,956 and nobody's home, you know what I'm saying? 76 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,020 You've got one wheel in the sand, there. 77 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,428 I mean, we Orkans ask for money, right away, bang! 78 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,564 Right in the institution in a little rubber room going, 79 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:50,400 "Boink! Boink! Ha-ha! I'm okay! Boink! Boink!" 80 00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:53,703 Well, caring people here like to help others. 81 00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:55,104 Oh, Min, I care and want to help. 82 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,406 Well, I wish you could, Mork. 83 00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:58,642 I've got to have those donations in by Friday. 84 00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:01,144 I've got to start making phone calls right now. 85 00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,446 It shouldn't take that long. You won't have to raise much. 86 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,348 You're just building a children's hospital. 87 00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:07,932 It only has to be about this high. 88 00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:16,058 Welcome to our marathon for Mindy's kids. 89 00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:18,628 Come on. I'm gonna stay on the air till you give, give, give. 90 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,029 Come on, now. Come on, little Tommy. 91 00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,364 Why am I here? 92 00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:22,565 What are you doing to me? 93 00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:24,066 No, let's go, now. 94 00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:25,835 Here we go. I'd like you to meet my first guest. 95 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,504 Hi, hi, hi. 96 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,105 Don't be afraid of me. 97 00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,873 You know, but these kids... 98 00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:32,909 Can I say one thing? 99 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,911 Here's my first guess. 100 00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,646 Let's bring her out to you wonderful people, 101 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,247 but how much money have we raised? 102 00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:39,705 Diddly. Okay, let's keep going. 103 00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,420 And now, let's bring out another wonderful act, 104 00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:44,821 the famous Biblini's. 105 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,856 Thank you, it's nice to be here. 106 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,258 I want now to do the famous midget juggling. 107 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:50,293 Thank you, very much. 108 00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:51,561 And now, please... 109 00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,563 No, please, let go. 110 00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:55,965 Hey! Hey! 111 00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:59,402 Yay! Ho... No, don't touch me there. Don't... 112 00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:00,603 Put me down. 113 00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:02,238 Thank you, thank... Ah! 114 00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:05,642 Hey. Uh... 115 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,410 We'll be having a telethon 116 00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,612 for them in just about an hour. 117 00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:10,913 Let's keep going right now. 118 00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,749 I just want to thank all of you, but first... Hey! 119 00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:14,718 A little heart and soul, here. Let's bring him out. 120 00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:16,486 These young kids. Let's bring them out here. 121 00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,187 Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. 122 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,824 We are The Confusions. 123 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,258 We can dance better than we can sing. 124 00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:24,293 I'd like to introduce you to the members of the band. 125 00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:27,063 Larry. Proud Aquarius. 126 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:30,500 Tom. Mooning Encino, I don't know why. 127 00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:31,968 Billy Bob. I don't know what the hell. 128 00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,269 My agent got me this job. 129 00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:37,507 Well, that's it. Let's thank all these young people, there. 130 00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:39,175 Thank you. Thank you, very much. Thank you. 131 00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,277 We'll be coming right around, now, collecting money. 132 00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:42,479 Thank you, oh, thank you. 133 00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:45,382 Hey, how about that, huh? Isn't he terrific? 134 00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:46,816 Mork, what are you doing? 135 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,852 I'm doing a telethon to raise money for Mindy's kids. 136 00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:50,787 Oh, that's... That's real nice. 137 00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:52,321 You're scaring away my customers. 138 00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:55,558 If you keep this up, Mindy's gonna be raising money for me. 139 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,026 Oh, oh, I'm sorry about that. 140 00:06:57,050 --> 00:07:00,285 Here, I'll turn in my tie. 141 00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,054 Um, I... I... 142 00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:07,492 Whew! 143 00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,539 Excuse me, sir. 144 00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:12,575 Do you mind if I mope here, or is this a no-moping section? 145 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:16,546 No, kid, sure. Sit down, sit down. 146 00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,047 Hey, you know something? 147 00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:20,082 You got a great approach there, kid, 148 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,852 but you sure got a lot to learn about fundraising. 149 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,554 You know how to raise money? 150 00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:27,123 Oh, I'm a professional from back east. 151 00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:29,492 I raised money every day of my life. 152 00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:31,160 You do? How? 153 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,562 Give me a quarter and I'll show you. 154 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,319 Oh, sure. 155 00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:39,597 See? I just raised a quarter. 156 00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:41,393 Oh! 157 00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:43,473 Vroom! 158 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:47,376 Boy, you're slicker than a Teflon banana peel. 159 00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:51,548 Oh-ho, boy. I didn't even know I was had. 160 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:53,349 It was already in my ear. 161 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:57,086 No... Oh! Ooh! Sha! Oh! Aw! Oh! Ho-ho! 162 00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:58,888 Wow! How do you get a job like that? 163 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,824 Ah... 164 00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:02,425 I admire your thirst for knowledge, kid. 165 00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:04,126 I'll tell you what: 166 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,729 in exchange for a percentage of everything you rake in, 167 00:08:06,753 --> 00:08:08,097 I teach you everything I know. 168 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:11,468 Oh, really? Oh, that's a great deal, Lucille! 169 00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:13,570 No, the name's Godfrey. What's yours? 170 00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:14,938 Oh, hey! Hey, hey, hey! 171 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:19,108 I wasn't born yesterday off some turnip truck. 172 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:21,711 Come on, now. If you want my name, it's gonna cost a quarter. 173 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,209 All right, my name's Mork, and here's your quarter. 174 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:29,118 Ha, ha, ha! Boy, I'm hotter than a whip, aren't I? 175 00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:34,256 The Aspen, Grand Junction 176 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,960 and Salt Lake City bus is now loading. 177 00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:39,028 That's the Aspen, Grand Junction 178 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:41,230 and Salt Lake City bus. 179 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:44,166 Last call for Aspen, Grand Junction 180 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,302 and Salt Lake City... Hey. 181 00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,937 This is one of my favorite spots, you know. 182 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,305 Lots of people coming through. 183 00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:52,196 Now, the first thing we do, we check petty cash. 184 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,313 Nothing in those. 185 00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,348 Nothing in mine, either. 186 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,050 Attention! 187 00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,775 Assume the fundraising position. 188 00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:05,522 Perfect. 189 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:06,756 Now, show me what you learned. 190 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,212 Oh, got you. Watch this. 191 00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:10,994 Excuse me, Hare Krishna, Hare Lama. 192 00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:12,662 My name is Mork. I'm trying to raise money... 193 00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:13,952 Who cares? 194 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,721 Excuse me. 195 00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:19,802 Was it...? Was it something I said? 196 00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:22,338 No, it's a rat race out there, kid. 197 00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:24,874 You want to raise funds, you got to give a performance. 198 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,532 Here, watch a master at work, okay? 199 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,787 Uh, excuse me, ma'am. 200 00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:40,156 Could you please spare just a few pennies 201 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,891 for a poor, destitute soul 202 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,694 who is trying to stave off the bitter bite of winter? 203 00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,328 It is not for myself, you understand, 204 00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:48,130 but for my son, who is... 205 00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:49,365 Oh, bless you! 206 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,289 Bless you! Bless you! 207 00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:58,808 Oh, Godfrey! 208 00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:02,211 Godfrey, I didn't know it was that bad! 209 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,846 Here, take this. It's all I have. 210 00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:06,190 It's a picture of Robert Conrad. 211 00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:11,253 It's... It's a picture... 212 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,589 It's when he was real young. 213 00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:15,133 He didn't have a battery on his shoulder then. 214 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,795 Oh, thank you very much, son. 215 00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,663 I was just acting. 216 00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:22,765 Oh! Ho! 217 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,801 Oh, whoa, De Niro move over. 218 00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,302 Raging bum! 219 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,370 Yeah. 220 00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:29,772 Well, I tell you, 221 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,141 maybe it's better for you to use the flattery approach. 222 00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:33,876 Oh. Butter them up. 223 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,460 Ooh, yeah, sounds kinky, but I'll give it a try. 224 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,016 Hello, baby, how are you? 225 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,184 My name is Mork Jordan. I would like to design your jeans. 226 00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:43,920 Someone sprayed those on you, obviously, 227 00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:45,955 but you look beautiful. 228 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,957 You know, you are a very, very beautiful woman. 229 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,759 All I can say is that you must be so sweet. 230 00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:51,628 So, so sweet that I would bake a cake in your name. 231 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:52,962 You know what I'm saying? 232 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,564 How are you? How are you? Very, very nice to have met you. 233 00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:58,134 A bientôt. Ooh, merci bien. 234 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,769 Bless you, madame. Bless you. 235 00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:00,770 Enchanté. 236 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:02,972 Enchant-toe-toe-tay-tay. 237 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,140 What'd you get? 238 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,141 Her phone number. 239 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,609 I'll take that. 240 00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:08,978 I guess the best thing for you, kid, 241 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:12,081 is just to kind of be yourself, you know? 242 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,383 Say nothing. Just look pathetic. 243 00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:15,840 All right. Okay. 244 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,342 Perfect. Perfect! 245 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,305 What's the matter, brother? 246 00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,107 You down on your luck? 247 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:41,310 Hey, could you use a little something to tide you over? 248 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,737 Here, don't be ashamed. 249 00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:51,042 No nukes. 250 00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:54,123 What'd you get? How'd you do? 251 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,792 Kid, you were just great. 252 00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:57,626 You got what it takes. 253 00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:59,495 Now I'll take what you got. 254 00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,597 That's for tuition. Oh, whoa. 255 00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,632 Does that enroll me in the school of hard knocks, now? 256 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:04,967 You betcha. 257 00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:06,635 This is just the beginning, too, remember? 258 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:07,636 Oh, boy. 259 00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,205 Is Mindy gonna be proud of me. 260 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,639 Oh, I'm gonna build that hospital 261 00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:11,741 right from the bottom up. 262 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,280 Oh, I hope asking for donations in the mail 263 00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:21,851 works a lot better for me than it did for John Anderson. 264 00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,086 Who? 265 00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,688 See what I mean. 266 00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:27,990 Glenda, would you like to switch again or what? 267 00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:30,559 No, hon, I'm fine. 268 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,963 You know, maybe this would be easier if I'd use a sponge. 269 00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:36,565 Oh, sorry. Mork took all our sponges down to the river 270 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,668 and set them free. 271 00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:44,406 You know, he's really got sort of an offbeat 272 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,843 sense of compassion, doesn't he? 273 00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,344 Now, don't you worry, Mindy. 274 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,446 You've been putting so much into this fund drive, 275 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,248 it's bound to be a success. 276 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:55,551 In fact, I'd like to make a contribution to the hospital. 277 00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:56,819 Oh, thanks, Glenda. 278 00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:58,821 I've been meaning to give this to you. 279 00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:01,457 Oh, that's really thoughtful. 280 00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,793 But didn't you put a few too many zeros in this number? 281 00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:06,328 No, no, no, no, no. It's a very worthy cause. 282 00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:10,499 Besides, I'd only blow the money on T-bills. 283 00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,034 Uh, Glenda, you know, 284 00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:13,669 I don't mean to sound forward or anything, 285 00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:15,938 but would you adopt me? 286 00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,007 Isn't she adorable? 287 00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,142 Oh. She sure is. 288 00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:20,643 Oh, gee, we've got to run. 289 00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:22,411 It's almost time for racquetball. 290 00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,148 Do you think I'm gonna like this as much as I did bowling? 291 00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:28,506 Oh, it doesn't matter. The clothes are a lot cuter. 292 00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,553 Oh, boy. Whoo! 293 00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:33,389 Bye, you guys. Thanks a lot for your help. 294 00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:34,957 Goodbye. See you later. Bye. Bye. 295 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,093 Okay. 296 00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:40,584 Well, back to work. No rest for the perky. 297 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,690 Eureka, Min! 298 00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:52,875 Min, what's wrong? 299 00:13:52,899 --> 00:13:54,376 I just swallowed a stamp. 300 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,681 Well, quick, swallow a letter. 301 00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,114 Where...? 302 00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:00,249 Where did you get those clothes? Oh, Bowery Brothers. 303 00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:03,119 It's a little boutique on Skid Drive. 304 00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:04,620 Oh, Min, boy, you're gonna be so happy. 305 00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,588 Not only are we gonna build a wing on that hospital, 306 00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:09,132 we're gonna build a wing and a thigh. 307 00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:10,916 Look. 308 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:17,633 Mork, what earth concept have you misunderstood this week? 309 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:20,102 No, I didn't misunderstand, Min. You're gonna be so proud of me. 310 00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:23,239 I've mastered fundraising. Watch this, watch this. 311 00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,096 Give me a dollar. 312 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,682 You mean you bummed all this money? 313 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,885 Oh, not bummed, Min. No. It's an art form. 314 00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,419 Listen, I would have brought home more, 315 00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:38,787 except there are holes in my pocket 316 00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:40,122 and I had to help some friends out. 317 00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:43,359 Get them a little libation. 318 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,928 But that's panhandling. 319 00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:48,472 No, Min. Panhandling is what nurses do in the hospital. 320 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,869 I'm an individualized, self-help fundraiser. 321 00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:55,037 I think I'm getting a headache real soon. 322 00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,039 Oh, Min, do you want me to bum you an aspirin? 323 00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,641 Give me an aspirin. 324 00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:02,611 Mork, begging isn't the right way to collect money. 325 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,546 Oh, Min, but my friend Godfrey said... 326 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,582 Oh, Mork, look at you. I can't... Oh! 327 00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,351 It's just... it's so humili... 328 00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:10,119 It's so embarrassing. 329 00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,888 I mean, now I really have a headache. 330 00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:14,392 I guess that means we won't have dinner at the mission. 331 00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:16,993 Oh, It's too bad, Min, 332 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,895 because I've already selected a wonderful wine. 333 00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:22,220 Look here. It says "Mount Thunder Oiseau." 334 00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:25,401 Oh, come on, Min. Come on. 335 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,203 I like you. You're pretty. 336 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:41,850 Min? Not yet, Mork. 337 00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,041 Okay, Min. 338 00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,993 Okay, now I'm ready. 339 00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:52,617 Mork... Present. 340 00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,254 Now, I realize... 341 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:02,704 I realize that you are a creature from outer space. 342 00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:04,340 Creature's a little rough, isn't it, Min? 343 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:05,541 Not at the moment. 344 00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:06,642 Why do I feel like I'm sitting 345 00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:09,345 next to Mount St. Mindy? 346 00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:12,014 Now, I realize that you are a creature from outer space, 347 00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:16,385 but there are certain things that even the Blob wouldn't do. 348 00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:19,055 Min, what did I do wrong? I just wanted to raise money. 349 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:22,591 I know, Mork, but begging in the bus station 350 00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:24,493 where all my friends could see you. 351 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,917 It wasn't all your friends, Min. It was just six of them. 352 00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:30,047 Besides, they were only good for $20. 353 00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:33,535 You panhandled from my friends? 354 00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,504 Oh, I want to crawl under a rock! 355 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,340 Well, Min, well, I mean, you did the same thing, 356 00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:38,941 and I was just a little bit more creative. 357 00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:41,710 What's the difference? There's a big difference, Mork! 358 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,679 In the first place, I wasn't asking for myself. 359 00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:45,314 I was asking for other people. 360 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,648 Well, so was I. Neh, neh, neh, neh. 361 00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:47,738 Oh! 362 00:16:49,075 --> 00:16:51,053 People at the bus station didn't know that. 363 00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:52,788 Well... Panhandlers usually keep 364 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,323 the money for themselves. 365 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,592 Oh, my friend Godfrey... He's my mentor too, Min. 366 00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:58,494 He said that you have to take the direct approach. 367 00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,728 We're gonna build a new society 368 00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,163 where you don't have a middleman. 369 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,798 Your friend and mentor is a bum. 370 00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:05,323 Oh! Oh! Oh, shattered illusion! 371 00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:09,605 Oh, Mork. 372 00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:10,973 Oh, no more, Mindy. No more. 373 00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:12,397 You've hurt me to the quick. 374 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,444 What I meant was, 375 00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:17,146 what your friend does is called begging. 376 00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:20,082 And... And on Earth, begging isn't exactly in. 377 00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:21,683 I mean, only derelicts beg. 378 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,585 Oh, Min, but I thought everybody on Earth begged. 379 00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,521 I mean, in court, you beg for mercy, 380 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,789 politicians beg the issue, people beg off. 381 00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,625 I mean... And you even teach your dog to beg, Min. 382 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:30,993 Oh, Mork, it's not the same thing. 383 00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:32,217 Beg your pardon? 384 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,965 Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, 385 00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,168 but begging just isn't right. 386 00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,703 Oh, I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you. 387 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,472 Just don't do anymore panhandling, okay? 388 00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:44,606 Okay. 389 00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:45,741 Good. 390 00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,725 Okay, now, I got to get these in the mail. 391 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:49,912 Look, while I'm gone, 392 00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:53,615 I think maybe you should glance over your Earth manual again. 393 00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:55,784 Only, this time, try reading it. 394 00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,553 Don't just color the pictures. 395 00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:03,926 Step right up, everybody! 396 00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:05,194 We're giving away free money! 397 00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,595 Let me give you a dollar. 398 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:09,065 Please, now, come on. Free money. 399 00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:10,832 Pardon me, ma'am. I have a fistful of dollars. 400 00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:12,401 Dig right in there. 401 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:13,705 Se habla Español? 402 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:16,705 Whew! 403 00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,774 I can't even give this stuff away. 404 00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:21,966 Oh, where's a mugger when you really need him? 405 00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,614 Excuse me, sir. Do you have any spare change? 406 00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:26,748 No, I don't. 407 00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,350 Well, now you do. Come here. There you go. 408 00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:29,918 Oh! Oh, hey! 409 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,253 Oh, gee, thanks! 410 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:32,321 Oh, and there's... Whoa! 411 00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:33,556 Hey, you're a saint! 412 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:34,723 Oh, gee. Bless you. 413 00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:37,267 Hey, this fruitcake is giving away money. 414 00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:48,566 ♪ All God's children Got bucks, bucks ♪ 415 00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:50,772 Hold it! Hold it! 416 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,608 Hold it! Hold it! 417 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,076 Wait a minute! Don't you dare! 418 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,611 You leave that... 419 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,179 What's going on here? 420 00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,081 Well, I... I was just giving the money back. 421 00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:00,282 Isn't it beautiful? 422 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,717 Are you bonkers? 423 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:04,220 You're supposed to take handouts, not give them away! 424 00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:06,755 I know, but I've heard it's better to give than receive. 425 00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:08,457 Ooh... You should try it yourself. 426 00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:11,882 Never! 427 00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,796 I can't understand it. 428 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,064 I did everything I could for you. 429 00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:18,200 I treated you like you were my own flesh and blood. 430 00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:20,969 I kicked you out of the house, I threw you in the gutter, 431 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,926 and I made a bum out of you. 432 00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:25,663 Where did I go wrong? 433 00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:28,644 It's only money. 434 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,146 Oh, that's like an Arab saying, 435 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:31,469 "It's only oil." 436 00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:34,583 Money's the most important thing in the world. 437 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:37,319 Don't you understand? It's much too valuable to give away. 438 00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:38,854 If I'd known you felt like that... 439 00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,589 I mean, whoa... 440 00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,424 Well, here, Godfrey. This is all I've got left. 441 00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:45,015 It's a McGovern-Eagleton button. 442 00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:48,152 Kid, 443 00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:51,189 I'm real disappointed in you. 444 00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:54,792 Godfrey... 445 00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:59,963 it's people like you that give bums a bad name. 446 00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:25,801 You gave the money back? 447 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,436 Oh, Min, but you said I got the money in a way 448 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:30,005 that wasn't socially acceptable to middle-class mores. 449 00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:31,039 I said that? 450 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,330 Well, not as eloquently. 451 00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:35,444 What I meant was, it's... 452 00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:37,713 It's wrong to... To beg for money 453 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,381 unless it's for a worthy cause. 454 00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:41,350 Then it's not begging. It's charity. 455 00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,785 Whew, first I get the money wrong, 456 00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:45,153 then I give it back wrong. 457 00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,022 Oh, Min, this place is really perplexing. 458 00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:51,627 I mean, no wonder psychiatrists drive Mercedes. 459 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,988 Who can stay mad at puppies or Orkans? 460 00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:02,371 Godfrey, come on in. 461 00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:04,235 Hiya, kid. Hey. 462 00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:08,777 Min, it's my financial adviser, Godfrey. 463 00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:11,012 Yeah, I've heard a lot about you, Godfrey. 464 00:21:11,036 --> 00:21:12,180 Thank you. 465 00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:13,282 Make yourself at home. 466 00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:15,517 I'll put some newspapers on the couch. 467 00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:16,918 No, no, no. Don't bother. 468 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,954 This ain't gonna take but a minute. 469 00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:20,088 You know, kid, 470 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,624 earlier today, I was sure 471 00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:24,092 you was the biggest sucker I'd ever met in my whole life. 472 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:27,162 Oh... Oh, shucks. 473 00:21:27,186 --> 00:21:29,465 You know, after you left that bus station, 474 00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:32,801 I got to thinking, and I saw this little girl standing there, 475 00:21:32,825 --> 00:21:35,036 crying because she was lost. 476 00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:36,438 Suddenly, it hit me, you know? 477 00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:38,607 Money... Money don't mean nothing 478 00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:41,543 if I can change that little girl's life. 479 00:21:41,567 --> 00:21:45,247 Right then and there, I decided to make the big sacrifice. 480 00:21:45,271 --> 00:21:46,982 What did you do? I gave her a dime 481 00:21:47,006 --> 00:21:49,006 so she could call her mother. 482 00:21:50,343 --> 00:21:52,421 And I tell you, the look on that girl's face 483 00:21:52,445 --> 00:21:54,323 made me feel so good, 484 00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:55,857 I started thinking how good I'd feel 485 00:21:55,881 --> 00:21:57,959 if I could help a lot of kids, you know? 486 00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:01,297 So, uh... Uh... 487 00:22:01,321 --> 00:22:02,441 Uh... 488 00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:05,267 Here. That's for your hospital. 489 00:22:05,291 --> 00:22:07,002 You're making a donation? 490 00:22:07,026 --> 00:22:08,170 Yeah. 491 00:22:08,194 --> 00:22:09,971 Well, thank you! 492 00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:12,274 You're welcome. 493 00:22:12,298 --> 00:22:13,642 Godfrey, you have to let it go now. 494 00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:14,799 Oh. 495 00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:19,682 Oh, this is very generous of you, Godfrey. 496 00:22:19,706 --> 00:22:21,450 Now I can almost make my pledge. 497 00:22:21,474 --> 00:22:23,952 Almost? What do you mean? You're still short? 498 00:22:23,976 --> 00:22:25,287 Oh, only $40. 499 00:22:25,311 --> 00:22:28,912 Oh, boy, this is gonna be painful. 500 00:22:30,383 --> 00:22:31,615 Oh. 501 00:22:33,953 --> 00:22:35,297 This is wonderful. 502 00:22:35,321 --> 00:22:38,734 Oh, yeah, a born-again bum. Come on. 503 00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:41,203 Don't... Don't spread that around, will you? 504 00:22:41,227 --> 00:22:44,005 I worked too hard to get where I am. 505 00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:47,008 I'll be seeing you. Can I walk you to the gutter? 506 00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:48,210 Nah, nah. 507 00:22:48,234 --> 00:22:50,412 Um, excuse me. 508 00:22:50,436 --> 00:22:53,081 Have you ever thought of maybe taking on 509 00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:54,550 a little responsibility? 510 00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:57,786 You know, getting a job and settling down. 511 00:22:57,810 --> 00:22:59,243 Getting married. 512 00:23:00,646 --> 00:23:02,858 Raising kids. 513 00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:05,994 Sending them through college. 514 00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:08,797 I did all that. That's how I got to be a bum. 515 00:23:18,865 --> 00:23:22,966 Mork calling Orson. Come in, Orson. 516 00:23:25,772 --> 00:23:26,749 Mork calling Orson. 517 00:23:26,773 --> 00:23:28,384 Come in, my favorite superior being. 518 00:23:28,408 --> 00:23:29,951 Let's hear your report, Mork. 519 00:23:29,975 --> 00:23:31,019 Yes, sir. 520 00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:32,120 And in the center ring, 521 00:23:32,144 --> 00:23:33,856 it's the incredible shrinking dollar! 522 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,691 You can spend it, you can save it, 523 00:23:35,715 --> 00:23:38,059 you can waste it, but you can't take it with you! 524 00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:40,228 No, sirree bob. 525 00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:42,398 You've already made a report on money 526 00:23:42,422 --> 00:23:44,633 and how Earthlings love to hoard it, Mork. 527 00:23:44,657 --> 00:23:46,034 Oh, yes, sir, but you see, this week, 528 00:23:46,058 --> 00:23:48,704 I learned about a very generous act called charity. 529 00:23:48,728 --> 00:23:50,372 See, sir, there's another side to the coin. 530 00:23:50,396 --> 00:23:52,073 How about that for a nifty metaphor, huh? 531 00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:54,042 A little Byron, a little Keats, a little Shelley. 532 00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:56,578 Get to the point, Mork! Yes, sir. 533 00:23:56,602 --> 00:23:58,079 See, sir, charity is a concept 534 00:23:58,103 --> 00:24:00,181 whereby Earthlings with money help those without it. 535 00:24:00,205 --> 00:24:01,683 It's kind of like a return investment 536 00:24:01,707 --> 00:24:04,085 where you may take a loss but you reap a higher dividend. 537 00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:05,421 I thought you told me 538 00:24:05,445 --> 00:24:07,188 that a fool and his money were soon parted. 539 00:24:07,212 --> 00:24:09,190 Well, that's one saying, sir, but the other one is, 540 00:24:09,214 --> 00:24:10,893 it is better to give than to receive. 541 00:24:10,917 --> 00:24:12,561 That's why there's a Thanksgiving Day, 542 00:24:12,585 --> 00:24:14,396 and not a Thanksgetting Day, sir. 543 00:24:14,420 --> 00:24:17,866 Most of all, sir, I learned that the buck starts right here. 544 00:24:17,890 --> 00:24:20,402 Until next week, sir, na-no, na-no.